Bringing Up Bumble

gone youtubin'

2012-01-23T22:23:00.005-05:00

If there's anything I know about myself, it's that when I'm fixated on something, I'm (slightly) possessed by it.

Enter YouTube.

I've been refreshing my YouTube page every ten seconds of my free time, and I'm back in my old video making groove. It took me a few videos to build up to it, but today I talked to YouTube about my thoughts on trying to conceive a second baby with IVF. Since I know my blog readers are probably also politely wondering, here ya go.

(I'm sorry it's horribly unfocused. If it really bothers you, just close your eyes and listen to the words.)

And a few others I've been working on:

cupcake date. sleepless night.

2012-01-18T12:52:00.000-05:00

We take cupcake shops kinda seriously.

This morning we went to the park to play with our girlfriends in 48 degree weather with no gloves and 6 hours of sleep. A middle of the playground, 20 minute-long meltdown had us strapping right back into the car. Now we're curled up watching Toy Story 3 with a big cup o' Cheerios. My aching body is begging for an early nap time.

Carter has this fixation with going to sleep in the bed with Matt & I lately. Usually I can move him into the crib easily after an hour (carrying his limp, sleep-soaked body to his room is one of the highlights of my day). Except last night he woke up screaming to come back to our bed at 4 a.m., then jumped on us for two hours after that.

He's starting to attempt so many full sentences and new words, it blows my mind. The more he talks, the cuter he gets. But this sudden regression in sleep habits has me thinking he's looking for a change. Like maybe a big boy bed.

join our january afternoon

2012-01-14T20:46:00.000-05:00

saying no.

2012-01-14T01:09:00.001-05:00

I couple months ago, I think I had a draft written (but never published) about how it was hard for me to say No to my baby-faced toddler. Not because I felt bad saying it, though. He cried so friggin' much since the day he was born, and if a simple yes to Pepsi could stop the crying, he had it.

Now? He's the one in charge. He tells Matt & I No more frequently than he breathes air. And it's not the type of innocent, cute rebellion a new toddler has just because it's one of the first words in his vocabulary. He says no to ev.er.eey.thing. Screams it. Bloody murder's it. It's turning into a blatant disrespect thing. I'm having a hard time using the word disrespect in regard to Carter because he doesn't even know what that is, but that's the only way to describe it. Every task is a battle receiving no consideration.

My instinct for the past day or so has been to put him in time out whenever he yells no at me. I let him skirt it if he happens to say No, thanks (once). I'm nervous I've turned Nazi, not even allowing the child his own opinion about baths, meals, shoes ... but when does the point come where he has to learn to respect his parents? Shouldn't it start now?

birthday.

2012-01-12T00:42:00.005-05:00

I ignored the number and had my birthday the other day.

My friend Ashley showed up and took me to a late lunch in downtown Apex. She and I are polar opposites, but we're convinced that that's why we're good for each other. It felt awesome to have someone concerned about keeping me busy on my birthday.

I had two cuties take me on a dinner date. One of them was pushing a hard proposal that he stay home and play with my his balloons.

I was spoiled with roses, balloons, stemless wine glasses and a new Nikon. I'm waiting for the weather to get less stormy so I can go outside and play with the camera; indoor pictures get my rookie skills all blurry and frustrated.

Matt took off work yesterday so we could lounge around together and topped me off with the ultimate birthday gift - a three hour, guilt-free, rainy day nap.

grocery princess.

2012-01-09T02:00:00.003-05:00

I hate to publicize the possibility that I'm this type of person. But hey, it makes a good blog story.

I started shopping at a cheaper grocery store recently. The type of store that doesn't online shop for you and, quite honestly, treats you like you're cheap. But it's seriously pretty, clean and it's been saving me $40-50 a trip, so I wasn't minding the sub-par service.

I ran to the store at about 10:30 p.m. the other night to grab groceries. It's easier for me to shop by myself when we're settled for the night; Matt's in the house with Carter, we've eaten and there's nothing left to do but sleep and poke at the internet.

I walked in thinking they were open 24 hours - but seeing the emptiness, I made myself go ask a (staring) cashier what time they closed. 11 p.m. That gave me exactly 25 minutes to grab as much cheap nutrition off my list as I could.

Up and down the aisles, I felt the eyes of the young, wantingtogohome employees on me. At around 10:50 p.m., I heard this announcement: The store will be closing in 10 minutes, please make your final selections before you check out. Awesome. That's plenty of time. I started to beeline to the produce because I'd forgotten Carter's apples when I found that same checkout girl in my path.

You need to come check out now, she said.

Immediately, I was offended. 1. Being told what to do. And by someone younger than me. I dunno, it felt wrong. 2. I thought I had 10 minutes. 3. Am I being hassled? Seriously?

It took everything I had to comply with an Okay. I wheeled over to the checkout lane and asked her if I could go grab some bread really quickly while she started to ring up my cart.

She told me no.

But not just no. I had to use the self-checkout, too. In disbelief, I stood. Man, I needed those hamburger buns. I grabbed my purse, stranded my cart and went to get my bread anyway. I came back and started ringing up my cart full of items. Quickly - because they were blatantly rushing me. Slowly - because I'm not a cashier. It takes me forever to find the bar codes and individually weigh my vegetables. By now, I was mad. I couldn't help slamming the products into bags and the loud, heavy sighs rolling out of my mouth. Two employees stood, arms crossed, 5 feet away, watching me. Another one was turning off lights and locking doors. Twenty minutes later, I finished ringing, bagging and paying myself in the silence. Without a single offer of assurance or help, only impatient eyes.

After I put my groceries in the car, I didn't bother with the cart. I figured leaving it sitting behind my car was the least vengeance I could get. And since there weren't any other cars in the lot, no harm done. I smiled a little to myself when the cart started rolling downhill. I got in the car, turned on the engine and saw one of the employees sprinting after it. Good.

I wanted to talk myself out of the idea that I was acting like a spoiled brat; that people don't normally get offended when you have to do work for yourself. But here's the rationale I came up with. A business that takes our money - no matter what kind - should want to make its customers feel welcome, want to help them, and hire people as such. The last thing it should do is rush them to leave the store and make them feel insignificant and unwanted.

When I got home, I went to their national web site and wrote the guys in charge an email about this service. I added something along the lines about how saving money wasn't worth being treated that way.

Today a woman from the store called me. She asked me what happened, and I found actually having to tell the story had me foolishly pulling from the vocabulary of a tattling first grader. Voice quivering, hands shaking. Not because I thought I was wrong; I guess it was embarrassing to be a complainer when there are so many more significant things in the world than a housewife who had to ring up her own cart of groceries. Regardless, I got an apology, and she agreed I shouldn't have been treated that way. She told me a gift card (no idea how much) would be waiting for me at the store, should I choose to come back.

I'm sending Carter inside to get it for me. Nobody could ever be mean to him.

starting the year.

2012-01-05T14:31:00.004-05:00

Besides background television babble and constant Carter chit chat, there's silence in my days again. We got to welcome Christmas for the first time in our new house, travel East and West to open gifts with both of my parents and party into 2012 with my brother-in-law and new friends.

My husband was home for 17 days; today he's gone back to work. With adult conversation gone and holiday errands done, I can't help but feel a sense of change hit with the new year. It's like things have gone back to normal, except normal feels better than it did before. No, not better. More blissful. Having Matt at my side day in and out did ridiculously therapeutic things for my spirit. Seeing my parents settles me with satisfaction. Everyone is ok - I've gone, I've witnessed it. I loved watching Carter's face absorb lights, parties, people and toys in the busy holiday jumble. Last month I couldn't breathe; overwhelmed by some sort of unreasonable depression. Right now? I can't even swallow when I step back and try to gauge it all. My chest wants to burst in happy gratitude. This is actually my life.

Holiday Party.

(I like my ears here.)

Grandma's House

Christmas morning.

Trip to Tennessee.

My dad and my Aunt Eva (the kindest person you'd ever meet).

Visiting a pond of swans. (Forgive that I have no actual swans in the picture)

New Year's Eve.

As for the new year, I don't have any concrete goals. I don't see the point in adding things you don't enjoy into your days for the sake of somehow bettering yourself (spend less, eliminate soda, etc.) Committing yourself to difficulties is the wrong direction to gear your life. I just want to increase the amount of fun in my years and do things that boost my disposition. Here's my tentative list:

Make more videos. I really have fun sharing my life. I want to let my guard down and be able to post more candid YouTube videos where I don't require myself an hour of planning (hair/makeup), upon hours of editing and searching for music. I want to get weekly videos up and kinda make a career-ish type thing out of it. Career's not the word I wanted. Dedication? Commitment? Marry me, YouTube.

I need that attitude about this blog, too. One day I'm just going to publish a post that says nothing but: Hi.

Keep walking. Maybe even run. Carter and I have been taking frequent two mile walks since November. Fitness or not, the walks make me feel like I've punched laziness in the face.

Always have a good book. Getting lost in a novel gives me so much to look forward to at night. I've noticed when I've got a book on my nightstand, my mind wanders off to sleep faster because I'm daydreaming about the story, and my head's not racing about petty things in life. Plus, I like to think it improves my writing. If - you want to call it writing.

Keep Carter busy. If I want him to be smart, there's only one way to do it. Get him out, show him things, talk nonstop. Kiss his face. And kiss it again when he wipes it off.

Find more giant flowers and wear them in my hair. I like them.

Want to read a more intelligent take on New Year's resolutions? Click over to my friend Jenney's blog! I love/stalk her, she's addictingly honest about her life. (And check out how awesome her Christmas card was while you're there.)

christmas 2011 video

2012-01-02T11:04:00.003-05:00

We've been going nonstop! I had a chance to get some holiday video footage put together. Pictures will be soon!

christmas eve

2011-12-24T12:37:00.000-05:00

elf. shelf.

2011-12-21T01:05:00.002-05:00

It's taken a lot of explaining to get Carter on board with the Elf on the Shelf tradition. I think his vocab is pretty decent, but definitely not up to snuff enough to process that the elf is watching him, leaves, talks to Santa and comes back every night. And magical? How do you explain that word? The only part he really perks up at is when Santa Claus is going to bring him more trucks. He completely accepts that he's not allowed to touch the elf, which is awesome because, for that, we've totally avoided the mega tantrums I was expecting.

For the first two days, he pointed at the elf throughout the day and exclaimed, Look! Efff! When he did that, I'd go on my tangent, Yeah! He's watching you to see if you're good ... and so on. On day three, to my surprise, he came downstairs, and the first thing he did before requesting his morning milk was look for the missing elf. I hadn't even mentioned it.

Mommy, Eff go? Mommy, Eff go?

We were behind with gearing up for Christmas, so we only have about a week of Elf hunting under our belts.

Here's my advice for Elf on the Shelf with a two year old who barely grasps the concept of Christmas:

It helps if the house area surrounding the elf is clean and clutter-free. This makes it easier to find the elf and spotlights how special he is compared to other (unseen) toys.

For the first few days, put it in spots that are unreachable while you're explaining the purpose of the elf.

There are hundreds of scenario ideas floating around on the internet. I try not to read them and come up with my own. Make it do the things your toddler can do & relate to. These are the things that make him amazing and funny.

Don't accept limitations. If you have an idea, make it happen. Use tape.

Make a special phone call just so he/she can tell Daddy what the elf is doing every day.

cover blown.

2011-12-19T10:50:00.003-05:00

I love having a boy, but I really feel like one of the great handicaps of my Carter's gender hits its pitfall in the clothing department. Little girls can get away with wearing princess dresses and tutus whenever the mood strikes. Not to mention tights, leggings, jeggings, knee socks, bows, skirts, you name it. The most I can offer Carter is a Thomas T-shirt and maybe the occasional hat with ears.

Last week Carter got a CAPEkid tee from Leap of Faith Clothing. My plan was to pull it over him and take a picture of the reaction on his face simultaneously. It's sooo blurry, but I'm sharing anyway because I want you to feel the proudness radiating off his little chest and warming the light of your computer screen.

Our culdesac is safer, and women of all ages weaken at his passing. The little bumble we knew is no more. Meet Captain Carter.

The cape attaches with two small, matching velcro patches on the shoulders of the shirt, so you can easily take it off and on. Leap of Faith was spot on with this awesome toddler trend (for boys and girls). It's so fun for him to wear and explore stores while we're doing our Christmas shopping; the surprised admiration on fellow shoppers' faces swooning down in his direction never gets old. I'm mentally tagging this one as our next birthday party theme idea.

Go get your little hero's CAPEkid tee personalized for FREE with the coupon code CAPEFREE. If you want to share this idea with your friends, you can go Like their Facebook page!

crayons

2011-12-18T12:12:00.000-05:00

Haven't they invented paperless crayons yet? The paper completely distracts us from any potential creative development we might get if we actually colored.

When we do get around to drawing, the only thing he requests be drawn for him is a sad whale. (Don't ask. I have no idea.)

the first time i ever saw the adult

2011-12-15T23:49:00.009-05:00

.. when I clicked through my footage and was hit with this face

He looks a little tired with a slight handsome edge. His eyes don't innocently wonder. They know.

You might expect me to continue on this thought about how I'm sad, I miss the bumbling baby, innocence is gone forever and so on and whine on.

But I'm not sad. I don't miss the baby. It sounds harsh, but when I think back on the days when Carter couldn't talk or walk, all I can remember is what a struggle everything was and my desperate attempts to memorize the fleeting fat on his baby face - because I loved it, yes, but also because They grow up fast was being chanted at me from every direction. I don't fully remember Carter in his infancy. Just the words I can't, I don't have time and I'm tired. I remember everything was hard. When I hear about my friends getting pregnant, I remember how exciting the unknown can be, and then I'm a little relieved that I got past it all.

I'm loving this age above all other ages. The bobbling cuteness has worn off, but the 'little person' cuteness is at its dawn. Dust is settling. Having come through years of panicking to appease every waking need, it's a strange relief to find minutes or even an hour pass where he needs nothing from me.

My husband and I can turn some focus back to our marriage (instead of each other's throats) and have full, hilarious conversations with Carter. I can reason with him, explain things to him, and he just flat out accepts it all. Manners? Ok. First vegetables, then cookies? Ok. Put it in the trash? Ok.

He has the best heart. I don't have to flop onto my bed in frustrated surrender anymore, wondering how to stop the crying and whining. It's easy to tell that all he wants for his life today are hugs, fun, a cup full of milk and anything with wheels.

I used to desperately want a baby. Had I known what my baby would become in two years, this is what I would have desperately wanted.

o christmas card

2011-12-09T18:35:00.006-05:00

Check out the Christmas card I made!

Carter's a little blurrier than I wanted him to be, but I liked the expression on his face in this shot. The printed version didn't turn out as striking as it looks on the computer. I'm not great with photography, but here are my tips for low light pictures like this:

*Turn the flash off, and increase your ISO. Mine was 400.

*Use a tripod (for me, it was an empty Pottery Barn box)

*Bribe the baby. Explain to him what you want him to do (sit against the wall), and then tell him what you'll give him after he does it. In our case, it was a lollypop. Fifty shots and a lollypop later, it was chocolate. Talk to him about something that amuses him while you're shooting.

*Edit on the computer (I use Picnik). I increased sharpness, exposure and contrast. Decreased the color and temperature. I added text. I created the pale yellow splotches above his head with the Clone feature.

Here are some of the other pictures I took that didn't make the Christmas card cut.

I've had my phone glued to my hand for the past two days, since I discovered Path. It's an app for iPhone and Android that's comparable to Twitter & Facebook walls but simpler and more fun. I love that you can smile at and ♥ your friends' posts. I'm 90% sure you can't access it online, though. I tried.

Get it and find me!

not today

2011-12-05T00:01:00.009-05:00

Hello out there to anyone still checking on this deserted page. I've run through I hundred ways to write an explanation in my head, and I still don't have any crafty words for you. Just the truth.

I haven't been feeling myself lately. I can't pinpoint an exact reason; nothing is wrong. The baby's cute as ever. House is beautiful. Husband, loving. For about two weeks I had an unpurposeful, painful, sinking feeling in my heart that I couldn't talk myself out of.

I avoid trying to explain this to anyone, because unless you've felt it, it sounds like what it is - crazy. Depression? Anxiety? Panic? I don't know. But it was definitely something heavy, and I couldn't stand it.

I could have sat and written some fairly dark-sided stuff, but I decided to just leave the page blank and do whatever people did before there was internet. When I considered opening my computer to write, I kept having the same thought.

Not today.

That's been my answer for a lot of things. Sometimes I feel like I drowned in my own quest for perfection and was thrown into a complete loss for words. When I thought about writing, it felt so trivial and inadequate. It got to the point where every day things, like cooking Carter breakfast, overwhelmed me.

Maybe this is the fate of stay at home moms after two years. Maybe it's just a wave that crashed on me, and some fabulous peak is on its way. It could be that the excitement of building a new house wore off, there might not be anymore babies, and I'm faced with the monotonous thought, So, this is it.

But, whatever the purpose of this blog, I owe its readers that explanation. I've written for more than two years.

My son is too cute to hide in the shadows of the internet.

turkey travel

2011-11-24T22:16:00.005-05:00

We've been in Pennsylvania since Tuesday. We're traveling back home tomorrow, a little heavy hearted to say goodbye to my husband's family but relieved to stop digging through suitcases. I got my driver's license renewed while we were up here (whew, guilt-free driving again!) and met my newborn, perfectly scrumptious nephew. He was born the night we got here; holding him didn't remind me much of what it was like holding Carter ... sadly, I think that feeling is buried somewhere I won't be able to ever find it again. But he felt amazing. Small, warm and dripping with baby fever. Yep, I made sure Matt held him twice so he'd get it, too. I'm in love with our new nephew.

I can't report on how Carter did with the traveling, because I don't think we brought him. The little boy we've toted has behaved beyond a realm I knew he was capable of. He hugged, kissed and spoke politely to strangers. Beamed with smiles. Followed directions. Slept happily and eagerly in his pack & play. He was adorable, impressive, and I can't remember the last time I was this proud. I must have been doing something right all along. Now I just have to figure out what it was, and write a book about it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

dreams

2011-11-13T15:48:00.003-05:00

I like to think these long, Fall walks give Carter more material for his dreams at night. He's piecing the world together; I get to watch.

That adorable outfit is courtesy of my new favorite etsy shop, Room to Romp. Finally! Clothes designed specifically for the interests and comfort of toddler boys at play. Carter seriously admired the little chick on his shirt. I was really shocked that he could immediately differentiate it from a duck, saying Bock bock bock bock! I kept wanting to call it a duck, and (acting personally offended) he'd correct me.

I've got to figure out who's been teaching him this stuff undercover.

Carter stayed with my mom for the weekend while the walls of our house inhaled a smooth, relaxing silence. I must have taken a total of six baths; some to shake off the cold, others to check and see if my stomach's started shrinking yet (no), the rest were just because I could. The guilt that comes with a high water bill was washed away by fragrant, soapy water and the flickering light of my apple cider candle.

I hope you had a good weekend!

today i decided

2011-11-09T17:52:00.009-05:00

that I want to be hot again.

ha. haha. hahaha. That felt hilarious to type. It's teetering on the edge of deletion.

But it all started when I got my hair done yesterday.

It took the girl a full three hours to highlight, tone, cut, blowdry and straighten my Rapunzel hair. I'm not in love with the color, but I didn't go home crying, either. I always feel so Addams' family-esc when my hair is broom-straw straight like this.

But with my 2 inch-long, dark roots deleted, I feel amped. Recharged. I want to wear tight shirts and not be worrying about my post-baby muffinized stomach cinched into lumps by the elastic of my leggings.

Today I started a new goal. I'm going to call it Mission Muffin Top: 20 miles by Nov. 20th (running, walking, or stroller pushing). That gives me 11 days to flatten this pooch out a little. Yeah, it's probably small potatoes to most athletes, but it's big to me. Except for picking up the house, I'm practically lethargic. I'm not sure if post preggo stomachs have actually proven capable of flattening, but since my driver's license is still MIA, I may as well give my neighborhood greenway a go. I think outdoor stints for extended periods of time will be good for Carter's spirit, too.

I'm using a free app called RunKeeper to track my distance and posting on Twitter. But other than a few outdoor pictures, this exercise deprived, princess of a mommy won't be posting any more blogs about fitness.

empty dining room fashion show

2011-11-07T16:37:00.007-05:00

My new neighbor has been showing me the greatest little boutiques in our area, and they're so reasonably priced! She took me to one last night that literally had my heart racing the second we walked in the door. I'm big on all things pretty, and combing mall stores looking for pretty articles here and there is exhausting and time consuming. So a store crammed with 100 little beauties I'd love to own? I didn't think it was possible. There I stood, cherishing the lace and ruffles consumed by my eyes and feeling sorry for my future self ... I knew I'd go home feeling guilty for buying too much. But there really wasn't any way around it. That boutique was designed in my dream world.

One boutique we went to on Thursday was having a champagne party ... with raffles, door prizes, food and dressing room fun. We'd been at a Pottery Barn event, showed up to the boutique late and were greeted by a very drunk group of fashionable chicks. My heart gravitated straight to this dress. At first, I thought it was a skirt - it looks like it could go either way. But when I slid it down over my hips to see how the skirt version might work, a buzzed woman ordered me, No! Dress!

She was right, it looks adorable as a dress.

leg warmers - payless shoes

boots - bandolino

dress - flaunt (the brand is cecico)

More pictures of my boutique finds to come!

meet vanessa

2011-11-04T17:25:00.003-04:00

My name is Vanessa, and I grew up around yarn.

Knitting machines, cones of yarn, sweaters and knitted toys surrounded my play areas. Ladies and grannies would come into my mom’s yarn shop and pick out yarn for their loved ones, spending what seemed like hours searching for that perfect design and yarn color.

It was all fascinating, but not for me. I liked playing outside rather than indoors, and all the wisdom of the older knitters could not sway me into picking up knitting needles.

I made my first sweater when I was 13 and the love affair began. Inspired by the idea of one of a kind knits, I decided to pursue a career in fashion design. I attended Moore College of Art and Design and learned the principles of design.

In 2007, I went to London and interned with designer Debbie Bliss and British Knitwear label Weardowney. After receiving my BFA in 2008, I looked for jobs that would really challenge me and hone my skills. I work for a major yarn company as my day job. In the evenings (and between naps for my 18 month old son) I design and knit for my etsy shop.

I cherish the idea of one day running into someone on the street and seeing them wearing one of my designs.

halloween video

2011-11-03T16:52:00.001-04:00

Halloween video footage!

owe-mees

2011-11-03T01:33:00.002-04:00

Solving the puzzle. Why does daddy work?

halloween

2011-11-01T15:08:00.012-04:00

We rolled out of our warm cribs on Halloween morning, made a Starbucks pitstop and popped into the front door of our Kindermusik teacher's house ready to maybe sing a pumpkin song or two. I was in no way prepared to be knocked over by the biggest momhood blunder I've committed to date. All six toddlers were spectacularly ravaging and whirling the room in costume or some sort of holiday attire. Flooded by adorable, I looked down at Carter. He was as baffled as I was.

I felt. so. bad.

While Carter's at this young age, I put so much pressure on myself on holidays because these early years demand historic pictures be taken. There's decorations to be hung to coincide with the phrase In my house, we used to always have a so-and-so hanging from the such-and-such. Truly, he's growing out of his cuteness by the day. Next year I probably won't have the chance to get him into a costume chosen by me. No sitting to bask in the reflection of his baby-faced yumminess wrapped in fuzzy fabrics with glued eyes and tails. Just seeing my blog and my obsessively curled hair, you can tell I sail my ship a tad from the perfectionist angle. Not everything has to be perfect. But holidays? They're on that ship.

And boom. Just like that, I'd dropped the ball. Missed an opportunity I should have been on top of.

We went onward with class, sang and danced with children dressed as pumpkins. a mouse. a car. The other moms were armed with cameras, chasing for pictures. Carter was more reserved than usual; I figured because processing the costume ordeal in conjunction with busting out dance moves requires more concentration than a two year old can handle. By the time we left class, I was borderline angry at the whole situation, worried Carter might think he's different, strange, or something's wrong with him because he was the only one who didn't get to wear something fun. Darn those moms. Those kids. Those cute costumes. How dare they all.

When we got home that day, I pulled out an owl costume (from this website) and carefully offered it to Carter. His vocab doesn't cover the Bring it on! his eyes were answering.

For the afternoon, Carter was an owl in our driveway. His fear of costumes? Overcome.

Thanks to Toddlerhalloweencostumes.com for sending him such a fun outfit!

Carter settled in for his afternoon nap while I got dressed in my Minnie Mouse costume, carved my own pumpkin, strung orange lights on the porch and willed the pouring rain to stop. Matt got home from work, put on his Pinnochio/Peter Pan getup, and we slung an umbrella over our heads and walked the neighborhood.

It took some convincing, but once Carter realized saying Reat! (Trick or Treat) to complete strangers got him candy, he was all in for the door-to-door mission. He was one of those kids who doesn't stop taking pieces from the bowl until it's out of reach. I had him putting pieces back into bowls and felt lucky he was just as eager to say Thix (thanks) as he was to plead Reat.

Did anyone else notice how small the fun-sized candy bars have gotten? Or is it that we're just getting bigger? Candy shrinkage or not, this year I decided that Halloween's my new favorite holiday. And I promise you, next year Cart will be clad in costume from sun up to sun down.

For good measure, we might even be an elf at Christmastime.

october sponsors

2011-10-31T00:43:00.006-04:00

My name is Missy, and I am the painter behind Missy's Portraits. I specialize in painting portraits of babies, children, families and even pets. I was first inspired to start my portrait business soon after I gave birth to my baby daughter, Elizabeth. I was dreading the thought of my maternity leave ending and having to go back to work full time. I really wanted to be able to stay home to be with baby Elizabeth. Since I have a bachelor's degree in Art and I've always loved painting people, children especially, I knew it was the perfect time to begin my quest as a MOMepeneur!

If you would like your very own custom portrait of your special someone (or someones), all you need to do is send over your favourite photo to me via email, tell me the size that you would like, and I can get started. You can find my online portfolio and contact info at www.melissaturner.com . Thank you!

Hey there! I'm Mandy! I live in the fabulous southern town of Nashville, TN.

I am wife to Jake and mom to the most precious, prettiest babies you will ever meet: 20 month old boy/girl twins, Josh and Jules.

Although it took them a while to get here (2.5 years to be exact), they were definitely worth the wait.

I fully admit to being an addict to blogs, photos and coffee. Please come join us over at my blog for some fun, fashion, some cuteness, a lot of fabulous.

Hi all! My name is Lily, and I am a mom to my adorable girl I refer to as little Z. Her real name is Zariya, but I love calling her by nicknames.

I live in sunny California but have a soft spot for the east coast. I am a full time, working mom, but my real passion is in what I call Mommy Consulting.

In a world of beauty gurus, I like to refer to myself as a mommy guru. This has resulted in my blog, Mrs. Mommy Talk, which is my other little baby. It's a plac where I can share my ideas, stories, reviews and photos with women all over the world. Green parenting, mommy beauty & fashion, baby outfits of the day and seasonal themed articles are some of my favorite topics.

From cupcake recipes to my Momspiration posts, I love sharing all that I learn that can be related back to mommies and those that are someday planning on becoming a mother.

Stop by for a visit, and let me know what you think. I am sure you will find something that you like, and if not, I am always open to suggestions. Hope to see you soon!

today

2011-10-29T00:37:00.000-04:00

Matt took Carter to his two year checkup this morning. He hasn't met Carter's new doctor since we moved. I wanted them to go without me because, let's face it, there's a different dynamic when you're alone with your child. I don't know why or how, but it's there, and that's what I wanted for Matt and Carter at the pediatrician today.

The summary I got back? Carter's very short, skinny and smart. We need to eliminate all junk food and feed him vegetables with every meal, even if we're just throwing them away. He got a flu vaccine via nasal spray (which I had no idea was possible) and cried when he had to stand on the scale.

My guys brought me home a salted caramel mocha from Starbucks, and we watched Toy Story 3 until naptime. Carter has a cold, so he slept extra long this afternoon.

Tonight we headed to the mall area with our neighbor and got Matt a Halloween costume. Carter, Matt and I won't match whatsoever come Monday, but for now I'm just focused on getting Carter to actually wear his costume. Next year we'll match. I got some heavy duty conditioner for my impossible hair, and my neighbor picked up a couple things at Pottery Barn.

Lately I've been really into snuggling up late at night with my Hunger Games books and putting together outfits to go with my new gray Converse shoes. They both make me feel ten years younger.

halloween dress rehearsal

2011-10-28T01:30:00.013-04:00

The night Carter wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind.

And another.

His mother called him Wild Thing, and then whipped out her computer to upload pictures.

I thought kids were supposed to be EXCITED about their Halloween costumes?! As in, dressing up should be regarded right up there with Disney World and having your own pony. Carter's scared of his Max costume, even though we've read Where the Wild Things Are multiple times a night for the past month. He loves Max.

Or loved.

I don't get it. My tactic was to have him try it on and wear it until he got used to it, seeing it wasn't scary anymore. Once I wiggled it on him, I tricked him into focusing on a lollypop and walking outside to look at trucks so he'd forget about it. Which worked for a minute here and there.

We wandered around the house with my visions of my favorite holiday going down in shambles and his tear-filled blames of No way! mixed with prying pulls at different ends of the costume.

I explained to him that if he's dressed like Max, we'll get to go around to lots of houses and get Yellows (what he calls M&Ms) and more lollypops. Does that sound good? I ask.

Oh. A long pause. Yeah! he beams.

We'll see if he understood me.

Wish us luck this Halloween. I mean, at least it fits.

lately

2011-10-24T19:15:00.002-04:00

a two year old's dream

2011-10-24T16:57:00.003-04:00

Our town is digging up the water retention area right behind our house. One lucky little duck gets to watch the awesome digging machinery from his living room window.

gone shoppin'

2011-10-20T01:22:00.010-04:00

After some furniture store trips with Matt and a few solid hours clocked with my next door neighbor at Pottery Barn, I'd say we finally got enough stuff to compose a living room.

I still want curtains, pictures on walls and maybe an ottoman and plants, but the framework for this room is done. I love it.

Ever have those weeks when you can't really think straight? When just knowing you have to do everything overwhelms you, so instead you do nothing? That's kinda where I was with my blog. ish. I've hardly opened my laptop.

And then this happened.

Last week at our Kindermusik class, a little boy named Owen (who happens to be Carter's age and is the only being on the planet I've deemed to be equally as cute as my own bug) stood up and sang a song ON HIS OWN and WITH WORDS. and NOTES. All seven mommies literally had our mouths hanging open and tears streaking our cheeks. I've never seen anything that adorable happen in person. You had to be there.

No, I should not compare Carter to his little classmate. But when it comes to stuff like this, you really can't help it. I doubt Carter even noticed we'd ever sung that song every week, and in the meantime, his friend had it memorized. When I drove home that day, I made a small mental vow to work harder with Carter. With his language, his songs, his conversations, everything. I don't have a plan for this, exactly, but I'm trying. So far my strategy has been to just drop everything and talk to him nonstop.

Owen's mommy doesn't wear a stitch of makeup and comes to music class in her pajamas. But you know what? She's one of the nicest women I've ever met. Everyone likes her because she wears her beauty in her friendly, happy eyes. She's obviously used every ounce of her time up on her son. When he stood up and sang for us without being prompted, the makeupless, pj look she'd been sporting suddenly made perfect sense.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It's late. I want to hopefully go to the state fair tomorrow night ... Carter's not easily impressed, but maybe we'll run into a cool petting zoo there or something. I'll leave you with a Lately List for now. Yeah, I just made up the term Lately List 3.2 seconds ago.

Lately I'm loving

♥ burlap. anything burlap.

♥ having cul-de-sac yard sales with our neighbors

♥ hearing Carter say No, thix (no thanks) instead of No way

♥ taking a bath every night

♥ selling our old stuff on Craigslist

♥ watching Carter color

♥ salted caramel mochas at Starbucks

♥ navy nail polish

♥ maddi jane's singing voice

♥ finally being able to fit one of our cars into the garage

Not loving

*trying to locate the matches for tiny toddler socks

*the length of my hair. most days I just leave it as a giant tangle tied on my head.

*blue's clues

*deciding on a Halloween costume for Carter

*not being able to drive since someone stole my license. But I do steal secret Starbucks drives down the street now and then. shh.

what we wore: carter's party

2011-10-11T22:21:00.000-04:00

Carter
Handmade jeep shirt - Etsy
Jeans - Children's Place

Meghann
Dress - Free People
Necklace - Silpada
Tank & leggings - Body Shop
Shoes - Belk (the brand is called Big Buddha)

party

2011-10-10T22:56:00.002-04:00

I wanted to avoid generic characters like Elmo and Thomas decorating the house for Carter's second birthday, so the party was themed with trucks and jeeps because, well, that's all he talks about. Ever.

Here's what I threw together.

Oreo cupcakes (Pinterest inspired!) I made these from scratch, icing and all. They were delicious. (Store bought icing is delicious, too. And way less work.)

I found these cupcake toppers on Etsy.

Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies. Pinterest inspired, too.

Seven kids crammed into Carter's playroom and gave those outdated, plastic baby toys a run for their money. I've never seen Carter so happy.

When anyone escaped the playroom, we kept them busy making canvas monster puppets, beading bracelets and eating sugar.

So far, I've found Two to be kinda refreshing. I've waited for a long time to be able to conversate with this fragrant little being, and now that he's understanding me and giving me answers and opinions, we really have graduated from infant and come into this entirely untouched way of getting to know each other. Communication. I love it. As it turns out, he's naturally just a really cool, simple person. Who knew?

giveaway. tales of a young housewife.

2011-10-10T20:43:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone! It's Lisa from Tales of a Young Housewife again.

I wanted to let you all know about a giveaway on my blog that you DON'T want to miss! London Raquel is giving away one item from her shop to a lucky reader. She sells shabby chic accessories for girls of all ages! Here are some of my favorite items :)

Lace ruffle legwarmers!! How darling are they?!

Such gorgeous headbands!

One lucky reader will get an item from her shop!

To enter this giveaway you must:

- Be a follower of my blog, Tales of a Young Housewife.

-Go to London Raquel's etsy shop & let us know what your favorite item is that you'd like to win in the comment section.

You can also get extra entries if you:

- Follow London Raquel's partner company blog, Fabu Weddings & Events.

-Follow Kaysi's (owner of London Raquel & Fabu Weddings & Events) family blog (her little son Kruz is BEYOND adorbs.)

-Post on your Facebook or Blog about this giveaway with a link to this blog post!

Good luck everyone!!

what we wore: birthday

2011-10-10T00:12:00.001-04:00

Carter's birthday made this past week forty times busier than usual. I'd been running around town nonstop getting ready for his Saturday party {ahem, until my wallet got stolen}. We used his actual birthday as a day to do practically nothing. We ate Thai food for lunch, played outside and lit a cupcake for dinner. We got a little dressed up for our day of nothing, though. You should always look cute on your birthday. Especially if it's your son's birthday.

Unless, of course, it's the actual day you give birth to him. Lucky for us, that was two years ago.

Yes. There was some bff collab going on between the two of them while they were getting dressed.

I have an explanation to go with this outfit. I'd been dying to wear this eyelit-looking dress since springtime, but I was nervous about how short it was. I got creative and threw my favorite white skirt underneath - it added length and style.

Dress - Nordstrom Rack
Skirt - Forever 21
Sweater - Express
Belt - I can't remember

These outfits? - Each other's closets. Obviously.

(Because clicking is fun.)

reset

2011-10-05T20:00:00.000-04:00

If you like my blog, would you vote for us please? The site reset its numbers today.

I'm at a loss for creativity on my vote request tonight! My wallet was stolen straight out of my purse today at Target while I was trying to herd Carter out of an aisle of breakable vases. $300+ was spent at random stores in the area with my bank card while I searched like a mad woman for an hour up and down the aisles and blamed poor Carter, thinking he snuck it out and left it somewhere in the store.

I'm sorry, Carter.

Happier thought - it'll be my sweet Carter's birthday in 16 minutes! Matt thinks we should go wake him up. Ha!

bed.

2011-10-04T16:39:00.001-04:00

When you get married, you kinda have to give up on the pretty, pink, girlie decor and start hubby-approved negotiations for all the new purchases. I've walked past so many ruffled, white couches and leopard print rugs that I whispered secret promises to, I'd get you, but I'm not single.

I don't know how I pulled this one off.

Our new bedding looks like it was ripped right out of a magazine. After we decided to buy it at the store, I watched another couple walk past the display.

She pauses and pets the comforter, This is sooo pretty.

He retorts, I guess. If you like that sort of thing.

My husband actually likes it. I carried it out of that store without a single argument ... except from Carter, who was dying to push his stroller.

My next attempt is super Pinterest inspired - I want a chandelier hanging above that bed!

framed.

2011-10-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

I blew up one of the pictures I took last week into an 11x14 and bought a giant frame for it. I finagled it into the cardboard, taped it up and propped my prize on the staircase for some admiration.

Carter hurries over and takes in the giant portrait. His eyes were enormous when he recognized himself, and his face beamed with pride. I told him to sit in front of it and grabbed my phone for a picture.

I know. The quality of that picture is bad. But by the time I could set up my good camera, he was over it and off to look out the window and greet passing cars with a loud Hi!

He pretty much forgot about the picture until we put it on the wall later that night. After Daddy did some final measuring, Carter stared up at the first picture hung on a wall at our new house. More pride? Nope. He had a tantrum.

storm.

2011-10-01T00:47:00.000-04:00

I think Carter plods through his daily life, just waiting for the very second he'll get to go out into the driveway with his horrendous, $9 thrift store car.

Today it started storming. Hard. A poopie diaper was even admitted to. But I couldn't talk him back into the house. I even offered up lollypops and a phone conversation with Daddy.

Days fly by. I'm always confused by my exhaustion; it doesn't feel like anything gets done. But going up against a Fred Flintstone car in a poo-scented thunderstorm? These are the types of things I just know make my bed soft at night.

what we wore

2011-09-24T22:32:00.000-04:00

All bets are off when this little one realizes he looks good.

T-shirt & Jeans - Children's Place

Shoes - Nordstrom

I've been preferring Fall over Summer ever since I was struck by motherhood. After a little thought, I figured it's because I can't commit to my deep, summer-long tan and flat tummy the way I used to. Fall clothes delete pale skin and are perfect for covering exercise deprived stomach pooches.

Oversized Shirt - The Body Shop
Striped tank undershirt - Target
Leggings - Charlotte Russe (last year)
Leg Warmers - Payless Shoes
Boots - Nordstrom

attention?

2011-09-24T13:37:00.000-04:00

Want some?

You work hard on your blog, so get it noticed already, and grab a spot in my sponsors column for the month of October. Sponsoring's also great for small businesses. Click here to see my stats.

Each spot will appear in a monthly feature. The large ones are individually featured. I offer a discount if you purchase multiple months.

Unfortunately, not all sponsor proposals can be accepted; I prefer to only list companies that match Bringing up Bumble's blogging style and taste. Email me at rMeghann@me.com if you'd like to be considered!

first day of fall

2011-09-23T11:38:00.002-04:00

We pumpkinized our front step. I like that Cart'er's my excuse to buy whatever holiday items I want. This is just my meager start to the holiday season; our new house is going to be dripping with scarecrows, hay bails, Christmas lights, bows and wreaths this year.

I'll leave you with some of my Friday finds from this week.

Wishing I had the money for this adorbs dress. And this one, too.

The best wedding video I've ever seen.

A cute idea.

I got my first dinner compliment from Matt in years when I made this the other day.

scenery

2011-09-22T00:44:00.002-04:00

Since we've moved here, I've always noticed the abandoned, raggedy barns on the sides of the roads. I think to myself what cool backgrounds they'd make in photos as our car whizzes onward.

I've had my eye on this particular barn-looking building because it's easy to access beside a gas station parking lot. So today, on our way home from Carter's Kindermusik class, I made an unplanned detour and parked at that little lot. I braved the mocking stares of construction workers on their lunch break sitting outside the gas station, slung my camera strap over my shoulder and grabbed Carter's hand.

cutting corners. adding some lazy to life.

2011-09-20T15:00:00.000-04:00

When I was in college, I loved shopping. LOVED. Didn't matter what store - grocery, gas station, pharmacy, mall - it was an opportunity for fun. The prospect of finding something new to eat or wear was exciting; I could walk around for hours pondering the ways each retail item could change my life. My feet and legs were killing me, but the thrill it gave my spirit drove me on.

Now, I hate going to the store. Hate's a strong word, but I'll repeat it anyway. hate. Shopping for food with a baby requires stamina, concentration, speed and ... a list. It requires snacks, backup snacks for snacks, toys, a few awesome songs stowed in your head for meltdowns and leaving your ego in the car.

After a while, you'll reach one of three points
1. You're exhausted from all the juggling and would rather eat stale Cheerios than attempt the store.
2. You hit the cart/stroller pushing stage. The cart, followed by an invisible little shopper, crookedly travels across the floors, just missing rows of condiments and beelining its way into some scowling woman's knees.
3. The snacks, toys and organization lose their magic and your kid throws himself on the pavement of the parking lot in rage and won't listen to your explanation that you bought him the friggin' toy car, but now it's time to put it in our car so we can bring it to our house.

Yeah. Keep an eye out for us on YouTube in a parking lot horror scene via someone's smartphone. Probably dated this past Monday.

I don't grocery shop anymore. I can't. I was never organized enough in the first place, and now Carter and I just can't get through it together. My full time priorities are cleaning, folding, playing and throwing together some kind of noodle concoction and bribing Carter to taste it.

I feel like I've complained about some kind of similar chaos on this blog before. Oh well, babies can be chaotic, and I'm digressing.

I finally figured out how to save time, aggravation and get us all fed! Today I picked out our groceries via some laptop clicks, waited two hours, then drove around the corner and had the food ushered straight into the back of my car. It's free the first time and $4.95 each time after that, no tips are accepted. I love my grocery store! It was such a freeing feeling to not have to unstrap Carter from his seat & bark persuasive commands at him nonstop to keep him safe, happy and out of trouble. You can do it, too, if you have a Harris Teeter nearby.

Life.
Changing.

We also signed up for a program called The Produce Box. They drop a box of local produce right on our doorstep every week for $22. You can skip as many weeks as you want if it gets too expensive. It kinda forces us (the biggest fast fooders, ever) to cook and try tons of different fruits & vegetables; they're ripe, not covered in pesticides, and it gives us that warm, fuzzy supportinglocalfarmers feeling.

The box includes a paper with recipe ideas for a few of the funnier looking vegetables, too. Carter's loving it. He's devoured an entire half of a watermelon, a sweet potato and two apples so far. Tonight he decided he likes spaghetti squash.

I guess I'm encouraging you to look into these types of delivery services because I really appreciate stores that do these things, and I don't want it to ever be discontinued due to lack of participants. As a mommy, I'll take any help I can get if it means I'll have more time and energy to animate myself for my attention-hungry toddler.

I have a dream for the mommy world. Some day, there will be drive thru restaurants created just for babies where you can pick up quick, healthy, premade baby meals and a few spare pacifiers to boot. Starbucks will deliver their decadent pumpkin lattes to our doorsteps. Stores will have exclusive, express cash register lines for mothers toting short fused, in need of nap, shopping children.

At the very least, somebody, please, invent a kitchen sink faucet that dispenses nothing but milk.

the parts you never knew were hilarious

2011-09-19T17:00:00.000-04:00

Carter and his friend came up with the idea to feed our cat grass - obviously an instant connector for any little couple's first date.

But me? I found my heart-hugging hilarity in seeing my son share his laughter with another child. Seriously, I've never seen him laugh with someone like that before without needing me at his side. It was the coolest thing I've ever watched.

There's no way I could have written that without sounding sappy. I edited for five minutes and even threw in the word coolest.

meet lisa! tales of a young housewife

2011-09-18T22:50:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! My name is Lisa, & you can find me over at Tales of a Young Housewife. I'm just another stay at home mama that is obsessed with taking pictures of my 6 month old daughter Aubrey, hanging out with my husband Steve, traveling, blogging & all things girly!

Before I was a mama, I was a full-time office manager of a dental office & loved it. I felt I was good at it, & I won't lie--I loved having an excuse to wear pencil skirts & stilettos on a daily basis. I decided to quit my job the day I had my daughter. While I was pregnant, I had full intentions of going back to work after my six-week maternity leave was up, but the second I laid eyes on Aubrey, I knew I wanted to be her full-time mama.

These days, I am doing my best to adjust to my new lifestyle, & I find that I'm falling in love with all that comes with being a housewife & mom. Having a clean house & homemade dinners were few & far between when I was working full time. Sure, I don't get the satisfaction of a paycheck in a shiny window-envelope every two weeks, but in the long-run I know I won't regret spending each & every moment with my baby girl.

I'd love for you to come visit us here, & see what we are all about on our corner of the blogging neighborhood. I'm also having a giveaway this week for these ADORABLE necklaces:

Aren't they adorable? They are from this etsy shop & everything they sell is TO DIE FOR. Definitely check them out.

All you have to do to enter the giveaway is be a follower of my blog & leave a comment telling me which one you like best. (black & white or pink & white). If you post a link to my blog on your Facebook or your blog letting people know about my giveaway, you get an extra entry ;)

Have a fabulous day!

steppin' out

2011-09-17T16:00:00.000-04:00

It's cold here! Why do I love it?! I think the chilled air makes my spiced pumpkin candle smell less like the candle police are on their way to my house. I rummaged today and threw together some semi-warm cuteness.

Sweater dress with a fitted gray t-shirt. Luckily everything goes well with my tween green nails (because my hubs probably hates them).

We pulled three shirts out of Carter's drawer and tried them on before we went with this one. All his new Fall clothes hang on him like giant pajamas.

Hair with a loose braid. Inspired by Christina Applegate in the premiere of that new show, Up all Night. It has potential, but it was a little cornier than I'd anticipated. The show, I mean.
Fine, maybe the braid, too.

Boots, layered with tights and knee socks on top.

We are each other's accessories.

check them out! september sponsors

2011-09-16T17:30:00.000-04:00

Do you live in or around Harrisonburg, Virginia? Kelly is running two awesome promotions for you!

*Like Kelly Williams Photography on Facebook between now and October 1 for a chance to receive a free session package of your choice, for yourself or as a gift! The winner will be chosen at random and must be within 30 miles of Harrisonburg, VA or willing to travel.

Kelly Williams' Photography is offering 30 minute Fall mini sessions on October 15 at Silver Lake Mill in Dayton, VA from 12 p.m. - 3 p.m. (rain date will be October 16). Cost is $95.00 per family and includes a disk of all images (custom edited) from your session. Apple cider and yummy fall treats will be provided. To book your session or for further information, please visit online or email Kelly at klwilliamsphotography@gmail.com.

My name is Melissa (a.k.a. Missy), and I am a wife to my darling hubby Jason and a new mother to my beautiful little angel Elizabeth (we like to call her Betsy).

When I first became a mother and I began my maternity leave, I knew immediately that I did not want to go back to work full time. I wanted to be a full time mom AND try get back to my first love - painting. Betsy inspired me to specialize in portraits of babies and children when I decided to paint a portrait of her when she was only 9 weeks old.

I have a bachelor's degree in Art and I have been painting for 20 + years. It is my true passion.

Please let me know if you would like a custom portrait painted. All you need to do is send me a photo, and I will recreate it into a original work of art. You can visit my website or my facebook page.

Hey there! I'm Mandy! I live in the fabulous southern town of Nashville, TN.
I am wife to Jake and mom to the most precious, prettiest babies you will ever meet: 20 month old boy/girl twins, Josh and Jules.

Although it took them a while to get here (2.5 years to be exact), they were definitely worth the wait. I fully admit to being an addict to blogs, photos and coffee. Please come join us over at my blog for some fun, fashion, some cuteness, a lot of fabulous.

Want to be considered for sponsorship on this blog for the month of October? Just send me an email: rMeghann@me.com. My email works if you just want a penpal, too.

gurrs.

2011-09-16T01:52:00.000-04:00

We lost our cat four weeks ago when we moved. I took a long shot and wrote a small blurb about him on Craigslist with my contact info and the area we live in. I've never actually used Craigslist for anything ... I've looked at it a time or two when we needed say, a train table or a toy box, and I had a lot of Hmph, that'd be cool moments. But I've never followed through with any of it. People can't actually use this kind of thing to conduct life? I mean, what about ebay?

Ok, I guess just typing the word 'ebay' did feel so 1996.

Not more than 14 hours later, an email popped up on my phone. Found, gray cat. There were pictures of him and everything.

I can't believe the world works this way. Through kindness. Concern. And savvy internet abilities.

We drove about a mile to pick him up from a really nice couple living in a townhome. He'd visited them a lot over the past three weeks and lost every ounce of fat he'd ever had. We brought him back to our new house and he got to come in and really look around for the first time. With the exception of Carter shrieking Hi, Gurrs! every time Tigger walks past, I'd say this cat's been in heaven.

duped.

2011-09-08T16:55:00.003-04:00

I was thinking you might be curious about how our play date went last week. I tweeted the results, but kept thinking it needed explaining beyond 180 characters. I keep thinking about how incredibly duped I was.

Everything seemed pretty normal at first. She rolled up to the playground and ushered her two kids across the grass towards Carter and I. I squinted my eyes a little and tried to picture her as my good friend. I noticed she looked different than she had when I met her at the pool two days earlier. I dunno. Like pregnant.

Carter and her kids didn't play together, but she didn't notice or care - it became super obvious that her attention was directed exclusively at me and some intense conversation. She seemed eager to know my entire family history and how I felt about every part of it. The overt kindness felt funny. Possibly on the fake, condescending side. She filled me in on parts of her life, and would sporadically throw in phrases like, as the Lord would have it at the end of occasional sentences.

Red flag. Ok, not alarmingly red, but maybe a dark pink.

I'm not an UNreligious person, but I'm not the type of person who speaks this way in casual conversation, either. I shrugged it off each time and agreed with her, realizing that she and I wouldn't be picking out nail polish together anytime soon. The longer we talked, the more quickly every other sentence became as God would have it. I eventually got confirmation that she was pregnant with her third child. Which, without falter, led us straight into the sticky subject of fertility.

How many more do you want to have? I was predictably asked. Seriously, I felt like I was watching a third grade magic show. Rabbit, here's your hat.

By now I knew I was interviewing with a girl who was my polar opposite in the fertility game and who thought pretty hard about how the Lord would have it, so I picked out a long, obvious pause before I chose my answer. I wasn't about to debate my son's life on a playground.

I told her we'd had some fertility issues with Carter and were working on a second one with no luck. She kinda just blinked, not with much remorse, but more of a baffled stare out towards the slides. I could swear I caught a look of condescending amusement pursed in her lips and shakily edging up the corners of her mouth. How many do you want? I politely asked in rhythm with the conversation.

Whatever the Lord decides for us.

I took in her half up/half down hairstyle, plain face and conservative summer clothes. She suddenly looked like someone. A Duggar! She looked like she fell right out of the TV screen from 19 Kids and Counting.

I don't know how she could see straight into my thoughts, but she said, We're not going to be like the Duggars, if that's what you're thinking. But we do want to see what the Lord has in store for us.

I offered a friendly laugh at what I thought was common knowledge, saying that the Duggars have way too many kids, and there's no way you can give each one all the emotional attention he or she deserves. She jumped quickly to their defense; she respected them, thought they did an incredible job with their kids, etc. She pointed to my foot and told me to put it in my mouth.

A few subjects later, things calmed a little. That's when I was casually pounced with What faith do you and your husband belong to? But our religions - had she even listened to my answer - didn't matter. On came and a solid, fifteen minute onpouring about how we should come visit her husband's weekly candle vigils, he's starting a church and wants to be an assistant pastor. I listened to the monologue and watched the fervent determination ebb and flow from her face during her seemingly rehearsed sales pitch. She hadn't come that day to make a friend.

I should have known.

Later that afternoon, after painless goodbyes, a Starbucks run and tucking Carter for a nap, I thought about what had actually gone down. I realized I'd been groomed. The playdate wasn't for Carter and her kids' friendship. It wasn't even for a mommy friendship. It was to get me to join their soon-to-be established church. The more I went over it, the more it all clicked into place. She'd asked if we've found a pediatrician and dentist since the move to see how settled we were - probably to see if we needed a church. The intent of the intense life history discussion was to make the religion subject come off as normal instead of invasive and pushy. She'd asked about the size of our house to find out if I'd have money to comfortably support her husband's church, curious if I was worth further pursuit. She'd woken up that morning and said to herself something along the lines of, I'm going to sacrifice two hours of my morning and devote them to the Lord and get this girl to support my church and help provide my family's income.

I feel used and a little hurt about the whole ordeal. She casually talked about making plans again next week, but wasn't ready to commit to anything definite. It's as if pretending to be my friend is a hard pill to swallow. It's like she needs to keep me strung along until some kind of church commitment is reached.

Anyway, I realize what I've just written may be a little borderline controversial in the religious respect. Just know that it's not written with the purpose to offend anyone's beliefs. I was surprised at how someone could use something as innocent as a play date purely for alternative purposes. What nerve.

house video, also featuring carter

2011-09-04T18:03:00.001-04:00

don't use the crushed ice! (and other new house discoveries)

2011-09-02T22:17:00.002-04:00

I wish I could credit this picture to the destructive tendencies of my wide-eyed, almost two year old. Back in the 80's when the crushed ice option on refrigerators was a major luxury, my little friends always ran over to stop my cup, We're not allowed to use the crushed ice!

But WHY?! Nobody could ever really tell me. But now, being the happy owner of my own ice-crushing fridge, I know.

I battle this ice machine - obviously programmed to sputter its chaos and ding sensitive wood floors. But I'm not giving up. Raspberry lemonade brimming with tiny ice chunks is soo worth all the mopping.

I'm finding my stuff! I've been looking for this skirt for 3 years. THREE! Maybe even four. I was so excited to find it hanging in between bunch of my musty, old cocktail dresses.

Don't worry, I washed it.

A discovery that's kinda changed my mood for the worse is ... my face. My bathroom has a giant window flooding the mirrors with natural light.

I've never put on makeup with this much light before, and it's starting to really get me bummed. I used to have so much fun with my makeup. But seeing all these little sags and divets flitting themselves into my skin? Ugh. There's nothing to cover them.

Our grass is incredibly sittable.

It's a funny feeling, worrying about something like watering grass. Carter gets offended if a single drop of sprinkler water hits him. But then again, there's not much that doesn't offend him, he's well on his way to some terrible twos.

wordless wednesday

2011-08-31T00:23:00.000-04:00

dating again

2011-08-29T16:28:00.012-04:00

Once I got married, I was happy to be finished with the whole awkward dating scene. No more wondering if someone likes me. No more figuring out if I should be the one to call or not. Outfits gradually transform from sexy to a casual cute. All the games, over. Matt and I settled into our comfortable marriage, socializing when we weren't feeling lazy, and didn't worry about much that didn't involve each other.

Then we had a baby.

At first I thought it was just me. Since we moved here, we've been on the prowl for a little friend and his mommy to sit at playgrounds with. But I'm starting to get the feeling that every new mom around here is out on mission to find a friendly matchup for herself and her baby.

After a long, pleasemakeherlikeme poolside convo this afternoon with a random chick who had a toddler Carter's age, she popped the question. Do you play date?

I've never heard anyone put it that way before, but literally, I may as well have just been asked out by a boy. Do I 'play date'? Yes! Well, no. I mean, we want to. Ugh, I can tell I'm already a play dater on the verge of getting dumped.

(My mom used to hate when we used that word.)

There's a reason we're all calling them play dates ... because really, I'm feeling those same social stressors I had in high school. Requirements for a match? I'm not sure exactly. Here's the gist I'm getting from the parental dating world:

*Both moms should have similar styles. There are the highly makeup'd, girlie ones (ahem, me). There are the ones who don't comb their hair. There are lots of in betweens. There has to be a slight possibility that you'd be friends in life, had you no babies. Ideally, you can have long conversations that don't include child-raising topics.

*Must live within 10-15 minutes driving distance of each other.

*Moms should approve of each other. One mom might see a general attitude/parenting style she doesn't like, so she won't make a love connection. Other moms (like me) just want to be liked and don't care so much about whether she nursed her baby for a year or has her kid diligently working on manners.

*Toddlers should be close in age. Moms are almost always giddy about meeting another baby within a month or two of her own baby's age. Birthdays within a couple days of each other? Golden. We were meant for each other. Other matchup discrepancies can be overlooked.

*Bonus for same sex babies.

*Friendly toddler/baby interaction during all of the above judgy-judgy, sizing up business is nice, but not usually important. Baffling, I know.

*Husbands meet? No idea. I've never gotten that far.

I've had tons of fails. You know a fail when you're talking to another mom during a playgroup/social situation, and you just can't push the conversation past the babies' ages, where you live, and another two or so general questions. Someone grows disinterested, or silence might even hit. That girl's wearing too much makeup. (Seriously, I know what they're thinking about me.) Nope, we won't be asking for each other's numbers.

Poolside chick and I exchanged numbers and made playground plans for later this week. This is the first time I've ever witnessed a successful play date set up with a complete stranger.

Ooh. And with me.

Carter went to sleep tonight, probably with no recollection of the same-sized, blonde friend he shared his ball with this afternoon. But me? My day was made.

blogs need dates, too.

starting to decorate

2011-08-26T16:15:00.004-04:00

Forget unpacking! I needed some pretty things in my empty space. I toted Carter to Michael's and got a little crazy in the white & green flower sections.

Try as we may, Carter just can't get a hang of the word Pretty. Unless ... he doesn't think these are pretty?

I'm still on a daily mission to get new rugs, curtains, side tables and whatever else pops out and asks me to bring it home. It's not easy with a ~~low~~ no patience Carter pattering destructively around the stores. I shouldn't really complain though, he listens really well in public. It's only a matter of time until he realizes that not listening is on his list of options.

We have a hurricane on its way tonight; it's even cloudy and windy right now. Luckily, we're near the center of the state, so it won't hit our brand new, justbuiltfiveminutesago house too hard. I hope.

INTERNET. hi!

2011-08-22T16:04:00.007-04:00

I don't even know what I'm about to write about. All I know is that my hero arrived in a van labeled Time Warner Cable today, [didn't take his work boots off before they clunked on our new wood floors,] spent a hour on some wiring and reconnected me to the world.

A post needs some posting.

We've been in our new house 11 days. It's awesome, but it's weird in a lot of ways, too. I feel like a teenager living in an adult's house. As in, we're house-sitting and I'm nervous to touch anything; it's humbling to be able to call this ours. You know that wave of cleanness and relaxation that hits you when you walk in those chic home decor stores like Pier 1 or Crate & Barrel? That's the feeling I get every time I walk in this house.

It's pristine. I've been working so hard to keep it this way; wiping surfaces, organizing, sweeping and folding have turned into obsessions. Ahem. Exhausting obsessions.

I wasn't quite expecting the lonely emptiness that hit me on my first day alone here. I was so sure busy happiness would constantly and magically fill the space, that all we needed was our dream house, and daily life's routine, in its perfection, would fall around us, sort of puppeting me with where to go and what to do. As it turns out, big house or not, you still have to work at creating happiness for yourself.

Carter is blatantly happy, though. He's got so much space and stays busy, exploring different rooms all day. When we're not working around the house, we're out in the yard getting eaten by mosquitos or helping Daddy grill. He's sleeping better than he's ever slept. I'm not going to lie though. We still have little control-issue fits every 30 minutes or so.

I mean, sometimes they're little.

He's big on making friends ~~around the neighborhood~~ every single friggin' place we go. He waves and greets Hi and/or Bye bye to people walking past. Trucks that roll by. Cars. Jeeps. Trees. Dogs. Mailboxes. You name it, it deserves a greeting. This is one of those instances where I try to take a step back and remind myself that I'd be better for learning the art of joyful, pure friendliness from my child. What a great feeling, to be boundary free.

This wave? For a fence.

Our back yard spills into a retention area with cattails and some pretty, wind blown greenery. Carter & I like to sit back there, throw rocks and look at our house.

Ok, so it sounds a little lame, but I promise, everything's fun when you see your baby do it for the first time.

We've been busy with other things, too.

Carter's Grandpop and ~~uncle~~ BFF came from Pennsylvania to help us move.

Matt's company had a family day with free barbeque, games, face painting and other children's activities. Carter got to see where his daddy works.

I've been really behind without internet - rather than try to use my phone (in conjunction with my terrible eyesight) to keep up with email, Facebook, YouTube & such, I just dropped it all and focused on unpacking. If you've messaged me, be assured I'm on my way to a reply sometime this week!

eek. and we dropped.

famous

2011-08-08T18:13:00.008-04:00

We were hanging with celebrities on Saturday. Not that I mean to brag, but how can you not?

Being honest here - I thought Carter would be (typically) scared. But me? I was dying to meet Brobee, so we were taking the chance. Toys R Us was packed. There was face painting, balloon animals, Geoffrey the Giraffe and other free stuff ... each of which had its own line of waiting parents and their kids wrapping around aisles.

Have you ever attempted standing in line with a toddler? How about in the middle of a toy store? Toddlers don't believe in lines. Matt & I took turns standing in line while the other one played in the aisles with Carter. When I finally reached the front, I called Matt's phone, and we wrestled him back into the line. I anticipated the worst; we're scared of so many things (this, this and this).

But his body tightened up, and his face grew a huge smile. We even managed some high fives.

I guess when you recognize a huge, furry, green monster from TV, he doesn't qualify as scary like Easter bunnies, oceans and a jolly man with a fluffy, white beard.

phone call

2011-08-06T02:12:00.012-04:00

Today my ultrasound happened upon one tiny follicle. It was so tiny, in fact, that the doctor avoided talking about it. It's possible he was saving face from his embarrassing three follicle miscalculation the other day. But it's even more possible that its size was too small to ever amount to any significance. It's the estrogen that matters, he said. He'd call me later with the estrogen results.

I go home to a regular day. I rummage cabinets for Carter's picky eating habits. I'm pricked with IVF shots. I search under couches and in bags for a missing Toby the Tram. I assemble cups and pour milks. I finally get the phone call with major medical news about my family's future. I read Carter a book and bargain him into a nap. I tote him to humid playgrounds. Change sogging diapers. Wipe toddler tears when I sip my coke and refuse to share the cup.

At night, sitting in the silence, I can now process my thoughts about that phone call. My estrogen went up a little, but it's still incredibly unresponsive. I was told we have to cancel this cycle.

I am okay. I quietly told myself this, because the doctor didn't seem to care.

Here's where I get complicated. I feel guilty for feeling sad about this fail. When we were devastating ourselves over the need to have Carter, I said repeatedly to the sky above, Please, just let us have one, and I'll never want anything more in my life.

And then I was given my one.

I'm supposed to be putting every fiber of my being into loving and raising him - because I said I would. Worrying about shots and diverting dreams to a little being that isn't Carter has had me tinkering with a kind of awful feeling in the back of my heart. While it's true that I want this sibling to help fulfill Carter's life, I'd be lying if I didn't say I want it for myself, too.

There's still hope; we plan to move forward next month with another IVF cycle or two until we've exhausted our insurance benefits. But for now, my conscience is relieved to shift my focus back into the simplicity and oblivion that radiates around my ever-deserving, miraculous son.

I know, in time, that oblivion will absorb my sadness.

pushing limits

2011-08-04T00:37:00.008-04:00

So. I practically did backflips out of the fertility clinic today, scrambling for my phone and shifting into the mindset that I had amazing news to share. Yep, my brain was practically pregnant, I just had to wait for the belly part to catch up.

But I just got off the phone with a doctor, who told me that based on blood results, things are actually the opposite of amazing.

I'll start from the beginning of the day. This morning I went to have the first ultrasound where we get a look at how my ovaries are responding to the shots. I was floored watching the doctor, as he casually measured three, beautifully round follicles. THREE?! My eyes welled up. I couldn't believe there was a single one, let alone three. I was so proud of my little body.

The doctor snapped off his gloves and told me that, compared to my cycle two years ago, we had a night and day situation. He said I was impressively way ahead of schedule and could possibly be preparing for the egg retrieval this weekend. He bet that my eggs would easily create embryos, since - 1. I'm young (29, twice) and 2. I had one single egg that created Carter.

I went to have my blood taken for an estrogen measurement before I floated on fluffy clouds out of the office. Next week I'll probably be pregnant.

I reported to Matt and my mom, then I took Carter out on a little lunch date to celebrate.

An hour ago, the same doctor called me, his voice saturated in complete, apologetic tone. Based on my super low estrogen level results, it's as if my body hasn't responded to the drugs. Like, at all. He said that, with estrogen like this, there was no way what we'd seen this morning were follicles. They're cysts. Very happily growing, deceptive, fluid-filled cysts. By this point, I started to actually process what he was apologizing for - There were zero follicles.

Listening to him, I felt eerily amused. Maybe because I've conquered this monster of disappointment before, and now I've mastered the art of shrugging the monster off. I drifted off to a numbness devised by knowledge that I've had worse news. And many times, at that. He continued with explanations, and my mind kept whispering the phrase Of course. Of course.

Of course.

My case is always puzzling doctors. I hate that they attempt apologies, and I have to do the reassuring, because I'm used to fertility failures. He went on to tell me I really should count my blessings, that it's unbelievable Carter exists. Believe me, I'm the last person you need to say that to. I feel completely humbled even requesting that the universe gift us with another child. I have no functioning reproductive parts.

I was offered two options:

1. We can quit this cycle altogether and try again another month, with the possibility that my ovaries would respond differently.

2. We can double the medication to an unheard of dosage, shoot a hail mary, and see if a follicle shows its face in another ultrasound on Friday morning.

I chose the second option, even though it means squandering the $300 we spent on meds. When I hung up the phone, my pokerface fell to the floor, and emotion hit me pretty hard. It looks like we can't have another baby. Then I looked down at Carter's face, playing alone, obliviously with his trains, and it hit even harder. I feel downright mad on his behalf.

My doctors in Pennsylvania had warned us that as time passed, my ovaries would be less apt to respond, and they were right. A lot of women wait until their late twenties and early thirties to have a baby. My husband pushed for us to start trying early, and had he settled for me to let one single day more pass, my body may not have been able to produce Carter's egg. When I think of that, I feel time stand still and the room spin around me.

Husbands were meant to win some battles. I love my husband.

I can't sit and explore this anymore tonight, because my mind's exhausted itself with highs and lows today. As I stand now, my feeling is this: You can't have everything in life. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try anyway.

a peek at the prize

2011-08-03T00:59:00.010-04:00

Wanna see the portrait Melissa painted for the winner of the Missy's Portraits Giveaway last month?

Ella

You can still win one! Right now she's running a contest from her Facebook page, so go leave her a comment for another chance to win your own free portrait!

needles & floors

2011-07-28T21:43:00.004-04:00

The drugs are here! Quite a box.

Matt stuck me with our first IVF shot this morning before he ran out the door to work. I resorted to the same tactics I used three years ago; I grip my tummy fat, look away, take a deep breath and say, Just do it. I was so tired that the prick had me completely unfazed. This is the easy peasy shot every morning & evening until Saturday, when we up it to four shots a day with the major meds that burn and bruise.

Carter and I visited some gorgeous wood floors today at our house! Yes, I will inundate you with even more house pictures! My goal is to swarm you with so many, you'll eventually puke.

How are you feeling?

Clicking to vote helps maintain good finger circulation.

15 days until new house bliss.

2011-07-28T00:15:00.005-04:00

I'm counting the hours until we shed this apartment. The drains are always jammed, I have no windows, nowhere to neatly put toys, and the florescent light in the kitchen hurts my brain. Plus, the cat litter finally made the garage permanently smelly.

Yep. I just admitted to smelliness.

I hung at our house for a good hour today, until Carter's hair was completely strung with sweat. But wow, is it fun taking pictures in a place that's thick with window light.

Poor Carter. I'm always in his face.

Paint on the front door.

The master bathroom's shower is up. I've never been shower curtain-free before. I'll let you know how it goes.

Bonus? There's even water running. (I should have taken a shower! We were all kinds of sweaty.)

The washer & dryer arrived.

Appliances are here, but not installed.

The wood on the banisters was stained to match the floors.

We took some time to run back & forth on the porch, set the camera, giggle and pose. I'm glad we'll have years to clunk the camera onto the railing and line ourselves up, because today we just couldn't get centered & focused.

The kitchen faucet was accidentally upgraded to a pretty brushed nickel version. We're not complaining (or even reporting, for that matter).

In other news, Carter's finally unhumbled himself enough to attempt saying his own name. For the longest time, he'd just point to himself when we asked him to say Carter. Now, when he sees a picture of himself, he admits that's Tih-tah.

i need your opinion

2011-07-27T11:58:00.001-04:00

Today when I rolled up for my daily house checkup, I was psyched to see the front door painted brown. When I walked around to unstrap Carter from his seat, it hit me. Hello, brown garage door. I felt blindsided. I've been comfortable with the white and wasn't expecting a change. At first, I was mad - I called Matt and left him a voicemail that went something like, Hi babe, just calling to congratulate you on becoming the owner of a giant BROWN garage door.

But now it's kinda grown on me. Matt & I have reached a point where we don't even know which one we like better. If we want it white again, we're going to have to tell them within the next two days. Then, I realized I can just utilize the power of the blog. Will you take a second to vote and help us decide?

WHITE

PEBBLE

wordless wednesday {train table}

2011-07-26T19:46:00.008-04:00

steppin' out saturday

2011-07-23T23:41:00.005-04:00

Today we ate an entire jar of Nutella (ok so it was just me). The weather here's so hot that it reminds me of winter - you can't be outside for more than a couple minutes without dying to get back inside.

We got Carter a potty yesterday. I can't believe how smart he is ... I ask him if he needs to potty, and he just does it. Whenever he tinkles, the potty senses the pee and cheers for him. He immediately hops up - not always finished and with pee droplets everywhere - and we run to go get a treat (an M&M). No critiquing our (complete lack of) method. It's only day two.

Since I'm falling short of pretty backgrounds, I did a small Steppin' Out Saturday in front of our house this afternoon. We have grass, landscaping, carpet and pretty much everything finished. I'm eager for them to get some paint on that front door, though.

Dress: Francesca's Collections

Belt: Express

Necklace: Wet Seal

best wedding. ever.

2011-07-23T00:37:00.001-04:00

I've put off doing a post about this wedding. And still, I'm sitting here trying to think of words. All throughout the evening (specifically, the moment I saw my new sister-in-law's dress) I felt frustrated because I knew the perfection I was witnessing would be impossible to describe to anyone who wasn't sitting there with me. It was kind of a sad feeling.

I want to say that my brother-in-law's wedding was like a scene straight out of a movie or a page of a magazine. But really, it was a hundred times better.

We arrived early at the Chateau de Breteuil (it's Google-able). Here's my little dress.

The altar.

Just married. By? The Queen of England's first cousin.

Post ceremony cocktail hour in a garden.

Guests entering the chateau for the reception.

Shawls & scarves for guests.

The bride & groom dancing their way in.

The leaf felt like a feather. The silverware was actual silver.

The ring bearer we sat across from had Matt & I in a long discussion about letting Carter's hair grow out.

Appetizers. There was dry ice on the bottom, which had them spouting hazy billows.

Singers. They also walked around the table, serenading us while we ate.

This reminded me of Meet Joe Black (one of my favorite movies). I kept peeking over to see if I'd catch an old man walking off by himself.

View of the dance floor from my seat. Not pictured: the bride & groom dancing to Kissing You, sung by an opera singer and fireworks. I'm not good with night photos, but I do have video footage.

Scroll down and pause the music player before you click Play.

After the reception, we went inside for more dancing, desserts, champagne, coffee and breakfast foods.

Fun instant photos for guests.

To see the full set of pictures I took (and even more pictures from the France trip) you can go Like my Facebook page & click through the album labeled Paris.

defining strength. meet dana.

2011-07-22T13:15:00.007-04:00

When Dana emailed me a few months ago with her story, I dropped all my poopie diapers and was overcome with gratitude for the simplicity in the hand of cards I've been dealt. Here's a little mommy worth adding to your list of daily reads.

Hi everyone! I am so excited to sponsor Bringing Up Bumble for the month of July. Like many of you, I have been following Meghann’s blog for a while, reading her helpful tips/advice about pregnancy and enjoying watching Carter grow from a tiny baby into an adorable toddler!

I am a proud mother of a healthy, happy, 10-month-old boy named Ryan, who is truly the greatest blessing in my life. I love photography, fashion, cooking, and planning fun things to do with my baby boy. But there is something about me that is not typical of other young moms.

During my pregnancy, I developed breast cancer at only 26 years old.

I was diagnosed this past January. Since then, I have gone through months of chemotherapy treatments, lost all of my hair, had a double mastectomy surgery, and am now undergoing breast reconstruction. Although my husband and I want another child, the chemotherapy drugs that I had cause infertility. But we are not giving up hope. These are the most difficult challenges that I have ever had to face, but they have also given me a fresh, positive outlook and appreciation for my life. The best news is that I am now cancer free! I am thrilled to have been given a second chance at life and I am so thankful that Ryan will get a chance to grow up knowing how much his mommy loves him.

I write my blog to share my story, with hopes to spread breast cancer awareness to other young women. So many of us are told that we are too young to get breast cancer, but this is simply not true. When I found a lump in my breast, the doctors said that I had nothing to worry about because of my age. I waited to have it taken out until after my pregnancy, because I didn’t want them to operate on me with the baby inside. But in that short amount of time, the small lump quickly grew into stage 2 cancer.

As young women, we have to speak up, be our own advocates, and closely monitor our breasts through weekly self-exams. My goals are to educate other young women about the importance of early detection and to reach out to anyone else who has been diagnosed. Visit me at DanasPinkRibbon to read about my story and my life now as I adjust to a “new normal” with my soon-to-be toddler.

sweating and timelines

2011-07-20T15:37:00.006-04:00

We came home from our trip to find a house that's practically finished! It just needs appliances, carpet upstairs, brown paint on the front door and touchup paint inside. We're closing on August 11th, 22 days! Carter and I went to see it today. The heat outside is miserable.

I started using a different camera lens - which clearly (or not so clearly) needs practice. But I like those focused stones.

Matt likes this baby maple they planted in front. I'm kinda undecided. I feel like it looks a little raggedy/hairy-ish. Does that make any sense?

There are pretty, dark wood floors underneath that protective paper he's standing on. But who cares about floors when you have a face like that looking up at you?

As for IVF, ordering the drugs got all screwed up since I didn't have a phone in France, and apparently email fell through. So the start date for the shots is next Thursday. You know you have a crazy life when you're excited to stick a needle in your stomach fat!

For anyone wondering, I did shut down my Formspring account yesterday. It was getting to be a dumping ground for anonymous, obnoxious comments; I got tired of reading it. I did love the kindness though! Always feel free to leave comments here or email me questions rMeghann@me.com.

Here's my current fav cell phone photo from yesterday - two obsessions in one shot!

Chipotle & Carter.

a little more france

2011-07-18T18:31:00.006-04:00

It feels SO good to be home. I can't remember Carter ever being so handsome.

I still have tons more pictures of the trip to go through, so you might be seeing the same outfits in upcoming days. With jetlag on my first day home, this was as much as I could get posted today.

I loved these shoes. Until I had to walk in them ... they had no cushioning.

Walking by the river, Matt got me two roses. The boy who was selling them told us to pay, As you wish - which, of course, made us want to give him even more euros.

Matt took this.

On the bridge, you can buy a lock to secure your love for someone. Then you throw the key into the river. My shoes were hurting too badly to be able to walk over to the stand where they were selling the locks. I'm pretty sure my love for Matt will stay secure anyway.

One thing I learned from this trip - once the sun starts going down, forget getting a pretty picture. All our photography skills are blurred, out of focus, and we just resort to the automatic flash. Blah flash!

Pouring down rain. And yet, there we posed.

My favorite part of every day. The coffee was to die for. My order was always a Cafe Creme.

Outside the Louvre.

The crowd taking pictures of the Mona Lisa. See the giant hand in my shot? I was about to be told by the hand's owner that I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the people. Whatev.

The Mona Lisa is behind me. I'm waiting for that hand to try whacking me in the face.

The kitchen of our apartment.

I didn't see many kids in Paris, but when I did, we all know whose little face was in my head while I swooned.

More pictures coming your way soon, plus the most unreal, beautiful wedding I've ever seen! But for now, sleep & I have to catch up.

we dropped a little while i was gone.

ok. a lot.

hi from paris

2011-07-15T06:57:00.001-04:00

another day in paris-dise(?)

2011-07-14T01:47:00.010-04:00

Versailles.

It's been so cold here! ... and all I packed were summer clothes.

Going to a dinner party thrown by my father & mother-in-law. Kinda wishing I'd done my hair differently.

On the Eiffel Tower. Matt says Nate's making a turtle-looking face.

I'm working on some sort of curled hair concoction for the wedding right now and dying for a coffee. A bus is picking us up in a couple hours. Matt's going early with his brothers to get dressed, so my sister-in-law is coming over to help zip my dress. If I have time, I might try to do a little YouTube hello before I go. Stay tuned for more pictures.

missy's portraits giveaway winner

2011-07-14T01:03:00.004-04:00

Sorry about this delayed announcement! The winner of her own custom painting from Missy's Portraits is:

Shelley Shultz

Congratulations, Shelley! Melissa will be in touch with you soon. Thanks to everyone who entered!

bonjour

2011-07-13T10:53:00.004-04:00

Hi from Paris! We've been going nonstop for three days, constantly touring, drinking wine, walking and squeezing in a couple hours of sleep here and there. I literally have about 10 seconds to put a blog up before I have to go recurl my hair and get ready for another round of events. I haven't gotten into looking through my pictures yet; I'll leave you with these, so my blog won't be mad at me for letting it get all cold and lonely.

We got rained on at the Eiffel Tower.

Notre Dame.

My brother-in-law, Nate (in blue). We were waiting to go down the elevator at the Eiffel Tower. You'll be seeing tons more of him in pictures.

planning, packing and pee pees

2011-07-07T23:56:00.006-04:00

After pushing through a couple painful, disheartening 3D ultra sounds over the last 3 months, I finally got a call from my IVF nurse today. She left a message filled with all kinds of exciting exact dates and shot sequences to put on my calendar!

We get to start our shots Tuesday, July 19th, and they're estimating an egg retrieval date around the end of the first week in August. In the meantime, I'm waiting for a call to schedule the drug delivery. I'm an underground trafficker.

Paris packing update. I've been assembling tons of little outfits, but not much to keep warm yet. I have a big pile of dresses for dinners.

Carter's been perfection lately. He's trying a lot harder to talk and use words. When I tell him what something is, he concentrates and attempts repeating the word. The cutest thing he's up to? Whenever I'm about to tape up a fresh diaper, he makes me pause so he can look down, wave at his little boy part and say, Bye bye, Pee Pee!

Impressively cordial.

clean

2011-07-06T00:23:00.016-04:00

Cleaning isn't the most riveting pick for a topic. But it is more fun than cleaning.

I've combed the internet a time or three, looking for some type of source where I can draw motivation. Something that tells me constantly (and by constantly, I mean every 30 minutes) picking up toys and strewn dishes has a long term benefit to shaping my little son's personality. He'll be calmer, maybe? Improved concentration? More organized? Generally a more happy adult because he wasn't living in a sea of chaos as a toddler? There has to be a concrete reason behind the stay at home mom's daily cleaning scrimmages.

Nope. Nothing.

I'm really proud when I can sit on my couch and present Matt and Carter with an uncluttered, wiped down, put away house. But you know what? I'm not really sure they care one way or another about where things are, folded laundry or clean surfaces. Feed them a big bowl of salted edamame on the couch, surrounded by clutter, and everyone's happy. (I never said we ate normal things.)

The only real benefit to cleaning that I've been able to nail down is my own sanity. And a lot of days, with Carter running circles around me, my own sanity doesn't even seem worth fighting for. When my line of vision flows past clear countertops and empty floors, I can focus. I can hug my husband a little longer. I can sit under a blanket with Carter and read a book with endless patience and enthusiasm. But things become undone just as fast as they're done. It literally makes me dizzy.

I've met moms who openly admit to always dressing the entire family from wrinkly laundry piles and never, ever picking up toys. Nope, not even after bedtime. Sometimes the extreme appalls me a little, but I find it really comforting to hear other people say it's okay to just let go and focus on playing with the baby. Just because the house is horrendous doesn't mean I"m failing. Especially if there's a smile on Carter's face. There've been a lot of days when we've rummaged through a pile of clean laundry to get dressed.

I can admit that most of the mess is caused by me. I fix Carter a snack, then rush to give it to him as soon as the peanut butter hits the banana. I leave everything strewn on the counter while I'm on to my next task, persuading him to try it.

I rush to get dressed and leave clothes on the floor, because once it registers with Carter that we're about to leave the house, he brings me my shoes. I have less than a minute until a toddler meltdown if we're not out the door. I know keeping up with it all is probably as easy as slowing down and verbally reminding myself to put things back in their places. (Lesson #167 from Things to learn about Toddlers: Boy, do they rush you.)

I created benefits to putting away toys every night by hiding them around the house in different spots. I toss a giant ball or truck in Carter's favorite kitchen cabinet. I place little animal figurines inside the seat of his fire truck or pots and pans. Small, fun objects in his shoes. Happening upon a toy in an unexpected place makes his day less mundane. I love hearing the little Oh woah! from across the kitchen. It's like practicing for Christmas Eve all year long.

If nothing else, I try to vacuum every night. It doesn't have to be thorough or even make it to the edges of the walls. Fresh vacuum lines in the carpet bring peace and completeness at night as I sit and quietly blog. I like the feeling of waking up in the morning and being able to pull Carter from his crib and present him with a sense of freshness to his new day - whether he really notices the floors or not, I like to think he feels the cleanness.

A few of my cleaning favs.

Lysol Dual Action Complete Clean Wipes (Crisp Linen scent). These are moist and have a rough side and a smooth side. The rough side works better at scrubbing dried gunk on my stovetop than sponges I've used.

Scotch Brite Greener Clean Sponges. Built to be sterilized in the dishwasher and reused!

Febreeze Vacuum Bags. My house fills with a pretty, clean scent every time I vacuum.

Swiffer Wet Jet. This is such a quick, easy way to get the floor clean. And I love the scent.

born on the fourth of july

2011-07-04T08:22:00.008-04:00

Today was Matt's birthday! I can't quite explain it, but I have this sense of proudness for him today. The simplest way to put it - I'm happy he was born.

He had to work. (Apparently there's a world out there where birthdays and national holidays are less important than making vaccines. Hmph.) But when he got home, we made enchiladas and drank Dos Equis with squeezed limes. I baked a cake, too, but it wasn't picture worthy. It stuck to the pan and crumbled everywhere. Carter wouldn't even eat it.

I got Matt the things he's always talked about wanting, but felt bad spending money on. A decadent, scented men's shampoo and some clean-cut shoes.

So now Carter and Matt have matching Topsiders. I'm kinda aching for a pair now, too ... the girls' version, of course. We'd have to change our family name to The Topsiders.

giveaway! {missy's portraits} ::now closed::

2011-07-04T01:20:00.008-04:00

I'm so excited to announce this giveaway, it's incredibly generous!

Not too long ago, my little love had his portrait exquisitely done by Melissa from Missy's Portraits. Now she wants to paint one lucky Bumble reader your own, free 11 x 14 custom portrait!

To enter: Like Missy's Portraits on Facebook, then come back here and leave a comment (along with your email) saying you did so. After that, you can enter once every day (Enter me again).

The winner will be announced Monday, July 11. Until then, start thinking about which photo you're dying to see in portrait form, and happy commenting!

come on in

2011-07-03T14:46:00.001-04:00

There weren't any house changes today, the workers weren't even there. But it was a good day for snapping pictures without having to worry that we'd get our toes nailed to the floor.

(Entrance to the master bedroom.)

I'm just going to tell you my secret for that last picture. I saw how pretty the light was hitting the floor beside the railing, and I was dying to get a picture with Carter beside it, but he No'd me and was doing the opposite of everything I asked. So I had to tell him Thomas the Train was downstairs. Totally worked.

Aside from getting ready for our trip, we're working on researching prices for a train table in Carter's future playroom. So. Expensive.

sponsor?

2011-07-02T23:30:00.005-04:00

Do you have a blog, etsy shop or business you'd like featured on Bringing up Bumble? You should consider becoming a July sponsor! Click here to find out my stats and how you can contact me.

(Sponsors this month will run July 5 - August 5.)

house

2011-07-02T00:40:00.007-04:00

Ten days ago, our house looked liked this:

Today we have pretty stones, a shiny roof and a driveway.

Oh. And a random, dirty box.

Don't mind those toothpick things on the porch. They're probably just supporting the entire structure.

The inside is even more exciting. We have walls. Doors. Rich, dark wood kitchen cabinets. Crown moulding throughout the entire downstairs. Railing on the stairs. A fireplace. And - for the first time in the history of our marriage - a mantle above the fireplace. Watch out, Santa. You better not miss the stockings at our house this year.

Because they won't be scotch taped to the TV stand anymore.

I'll take some interior pictures tomorrow. Life is getting really exciting!

meet melissa!

2011-07-01T08:51:00.002-04:00

My personal style is driven by ruffled dresses, pink painted cheeks, curled hair, anything pretty. Girlie things make me giddy, and since my blog is fairly tied to a little boy covered in blue, naturally I pounced on the opportunity to have Melissa and all her flowery goodness as a sponsor.

After years of designing accessories for her daughter, she founded Layniebug Designs. Now she hand makes beautiful, custom hair accessories and rings for girls of all ages, from babies and toddlers to prom goers and brides.

Melissa even uses her talents beyond the assumed product/profit pursuit; she donates 10% of every order to a different charity each month.

To treat yourself to your own custom made accessory or browse the gorgeous array of what's already made, just click on over to Melissa's Facebook page. Send her a message with your request, email and shipping address.

Now I'm going to scroll back up and stare proudly at the pretty flower pictures adorning my blog.

overseas

2011-06-29T14:33:00.007-04:00

Be warned. This one's a little dark.

I've thought for a while about actually putting this into blog form versus keeping it pinned neatly inside the privacy of my head. But I'm going to throw aside thoughts about what people might think (as in, this girl's crazy) and just go for it.

We're getting on a plane to France next Sunday. I don't speak a word of French, but Paris is going to be a dream. I haven't even been able to seriously make myself pack or put together outfits because I'm battling with the mindset that our plane's going to crash. I've convinced myself that I won't even really need those outfits.

Yep, very dramatic and irrational. I've flown plenty in the past, but not since we went through fertility hell and back and had Carter. Realistically, I know that every time we get in the car, we're putting ourselves at risk. But I just can't talk myself out of this sense of uneasiness. Life feels so much more valuable and fragile than it ever has before.

My heart plummets at the thought that - should our plane crash - he won't get to live in the house we're building him. He won't know the things I want him to know. I won't be able to give him anything.

He won't remember me.

My stomach is sunken, I have a lump in my throat, and my eyes burn a little. I'm not crying, though.

If you thought you were at risk of dying in 10 days, would you do things any differently? I've been trying harder to make eye contact with Carter when I tell him I love him. I sing him more songs. I play, hug and kiss like I'm never going to get to do it again. And like he'll never feel his mother's love again.

Carter, here's what I want for your life, should I be gone:

*Know that you should work at winning people over with your personality first. Hypnotize them with your big, round eyes second.

*Confidence. I want you to look people in the eye and know that they're no better than you are.

*Know that jealousy serves no purpose but to make you feel bad.

*Offer whatever help you can give, whenever you can.

*Don't cheat on girlfriends. Be polite to their parents.

*Know that, at the core, people are genuinely good. Even if they treat you badly. The only thing anyone really wants is to be liked.

*Run barefoot playing in the woods.

*Smile at strangers. Keep in touch with your wide-open, childish personality that's never afraid to wave a Hi.

*Know that I wouldn't like whatever tattoo you're getting. Even if it says Mom.

*Earrings are even worse.

*Always be on time or call if you're running late.

*Fix things. Or figure out how.

*Know that you can't make someone love you.

*Send Thank You notes.

*To know that appearances do matter. Take good care of your hair, teeth and clothes. Wash your hair every day.

*Learn a second language. I feel like it lessens ignorance.

*Be kind. Unfailingly.

*I love your ears. Never change them.

*You can make a difference in the world.

*Know that I love you more than anyone else ever will. Wife. Children. Anyone.

featured!

2011-06-29T11:43:00.004-04:00

Adorable Kaity from As we Grow published a beautiful post about us on her blog today. Give her a click!

i'm sorry, matt

2011-06-28T01:29:00.000-04:00

Did you like my shoes yesterday?

So did Carter.

20 months, 3 weeks

2011-06-27T22:21:00.002-04:00

Scroll to the bottom and pause the music player before you click Play.

mommy style: knock-off

2011-06-26T16:44:00.013-04:00

I don't know who this chick is or how she's suddenly being pinned on everyone's Pinterest page, but I love her outfit. So much that last night I actually fell asleep thinking about it, and then I realized I own similar pieces.

Here's my attempt.

Granted, I'm far from ever getting to hold that adorable purse.

steppin' out saturday

2011-06-25T15:39:00.009-04:00

Today we were going to the playground, but we couldn't find anywhere to park and happened upon a Civil War reenactment instead. So how's that for a random day?

This Abraham Lincoln-ish character stopped to chat. I think Carter was trying not to laugh? I dunno, but he was concentrating on something.

The actors did look pretty incredible in their outfits. They were playing flutes and completely in character. The women wore no makeup and poised themselves with little umbrellas.

Although, we did see some men hiding boxes of fried chicken in their tents. And then there were obviously the important phone calls.

fast food & fast walls

2011-06-23T23:01:00.005-04:00

Carter & I had a date at Wendy's. But before anyone gets huffy puffy - technically, I didn't feed him fast food. He wouldn't bite into anything, he just used the food as a tool to suck dollups of ketchup. And really, I don't care if he does eat fast food, because one french fry would be more calories than he gets in an entire week of meals. I'm exaggerating. But he does starve himself and hold out for the good stuff.

Good stuff, as in, ketchup.

The walls inside our house are up! My brother came with us today, so Carter was showing off, running as fast as he could back and forth across the rooms.

This is a little out of character for my blog, but I think I'd appreciate hearing it, so I'm just going to write & not think ... if you have a Harris Teeter around you, they're doing Super Double Coupons this week! They'll double any coupon for $1.98 or less until 6/26! Tomorrow I'm getting my binder out to organize a trip.

two current obsessions

2011-06-21T15:43:00.005-04:00

Our days are filled with trains. Train tables, books, figurines, DVDs. I took Carter to the train table at Barnes & Noble. He played for an hour, then kicked and screamed when I had to drag him away. One mom had to stop reading to her kid and stare us down until we were out of ear's reach.

I tried everything, though. There was no possible way to talk him out of there that didn't include a major public display. Next time, I'm bringing cookies in my purse. Really big, chocolatey ones.

Our house! Woo! They're starting the drywall inside tomorrow. We just found out our move-in date will be around the second week in August.

beach horror

2011-06-20T18:13:00.000-04:00

I really thought this was our year.

Last year Carter just ate sand and cried at the beach, since he wasn't walking. This past weekend we went for round two at OBX; he couldn't even calm himself enough to let his feet hit the sand. He was scared to sit on a towel. Scared near the water. Just scared if he wasn't being held.

Needless to say, it wasn't more than ten minutes until we were hauling our gear back to the house for a nice, long nap.

Post-nap time cocktails by the pool. Nappy hour?

Carter just doesn't travel well, and when you throw scary new cribs, 15 new family member faces and roaring beaches into his mix, you get a weekend with nothing but tears.

We befriended a mini Jamie Lee Curtis. She wanted him to play with her but couldn't understand why he was so emotional the whole time. I was swimming in the pool with her (since Carter was too nervous to get in), and she gave me a confused look with her eloquent little toddler speak, But he's just my size?

He is your size. But you're a little bigger than him, so you have to show him how to not be scared.

Because I wish I could.

He slept for 13 straight hours in his crib last night.

father's day, behind the scenes

2011-06-17T04:55:00.009-04:00

You know that adorable smile plastered between Carter's cheeks in most of my latest pictures? It's not there because the mood strikes him, and I happen to be there with a waiting camera. Oh no.

95% of those smiles come from the behind the scenes work of Carter's hilarious best friend, Daddy.

a baby by any other name would not smell as sweet

2011-06-15T05:21:00.006-04:00

We got the sweetest, personalized, matching bean bags and pail from Maria at babyKAMP. I'm still deciding what to keep in the pail (little trains and cars? you think?).

But Carter's had no problem deciding that the lettered bean bags are great for kissing (we kiss everything these days), then throwing at Daddy to trigger his own personal giggle fit.

They're going to be perfect to teach fun name-spelling skills later on.

I'm blown away by the level of detail extended into Maria's work, from the matching tissue and tulle wrapping to the perfectly stitched lettering, no aspect was skipped.

Her site has tons to pick from and personalize. If Carter were a Carterina, I'd so have ~~him~~ her in these. But I can't even convince Matt to let me pick up a pack of Huggies denim diapers - he thinks they look like daisy dukes. And I guess they do, but with babies, there's supposed to be that whole gender flexibility thing going on ... ? right?

You can get 15% off your order at babyKAMP when you enter the discount code BUMBLE15 (from now until June 30, 2011).

bumbles?

2011-06-14T01:51:00.007-04:00

I can pop out blog posts about Carter all day long. You know. You've seen them. I love showing him off. Bragging about him. But changing the vibe of some of my blog posts to something super personal and less than admirable? It feels a little funny.

About four years ago, my husband and I, blissfully in denial, decided to casually ask a fertility doctor why we weren't getting pregnant. We were suddenly barraged by the truths of infertility. Starting that week, my life was filled with surgeries, blood tests, ultra sounds and repeats of surgeries. For every test conducted, there was more bad news. I didn't know how badly I wanted a baby until I saw the aching look on my doctor's face. He was looking for the words to tell me I wouldn't have one.

I was an emotional wreck. I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't turn off the incessant, worried chatter in my brain. My mind was always panicky and racing. I'd lived my life in the mindset that I'd get married, have a home and make babies. It was my right. It was my plan. What do I do if I don't have a family? Travel? But I hate traveling.

In public, I'd see a pregnant woman or a mommy with a baby casually strolling around the store. The look on her face and the aloof to her stride didn't seem to fully appreciate what she had in front of her. I went home and cried all the time. My emotions morphed into a hate for any given female because she could probably have a baby, and I couldn't. I was exhausting my husband. I was always enraged, jealous or sad, and he was running out of reassurance. Eventually I opted to just not leave the house; it felt a lot easier on my heart.

To shorten the story, we did in vitro fertilization a year after our first doctor's appointment. I was on the maximum amount of fertility drugs permitted for a human with a pulse, and we were only able to retrieve two eggs. One egg fell apart immediately. The other one stayed strong, painted its eyes bright blue and became Carter.

Today my life with Carter is happy. He is more than I imagined a person could ever capably be, and he's only been alive twenty months.

Sometimes, in the back of my mind, I struggle a little bit with what's meant to be in life. As in, things that happen naturally versus forcing the issue. (If you'd asked me prior to discovering my own infertility what I thought of modern medicine, I would have told you I was against conceiving children in medical ways) But when I look at my son's face, I know someone who's this beautifully sweet has major plans laid out for his future. I think that just by claiming his spot in this world and existing, he's stronger than me. I feel like he saved me from my sorrow. I owe him the world.

I'm in a stronger position than I was four years ago. I was in such a dark place, and now I have more than I statistically should. I don't think I deserve anything more.

But I do want more for Carter.

And so that's why I'm writing. We want Carter to grow up with a sibling. I want him to have someone to play with. To hide with if his parents fight. To build giant birds' nests out of pine straw in the woods and split little snack bags of Doritos. We're giving IVF a go again.

Going backwards and doing it all again feels frustrating. Once I laid eyes on that positive pregnancy test, I knew the emotions I went through during that battle were gone forever, simple as that.

I'd love to see this turn out positive, but if it doesn't, I know that I'm not left wondering what it feels like to love a baby. I want Carter to smile into a face similar to his own and never feel alone.

my brother & me

matt & his brothers

Which garage door would you pick?
	White
	Pebble